If you’re close with your parents, I don’t think you ever outgrow wanting to make them proud. I went through a period of time when it didn’t matter to me. Now it does. Better late than never right?? Your relationship with your parents is constantly changing and even if you’re in your 20’s or 30’s, you still need their emotional support.

My mom and I fight like mothers and daughters do. We’ve had our differences in the past, but in the last few years I’ve really needed her. I didn’t need her to reprimand me for mistakes I knew I’d made, I needed her to just crawl in bed with her arms around me and let me know that someone loves me. Those moments made everything seem ok, even if it was just for a little while.

When I decided to do Playboy my mom was behind me. She knew that it would be my opportunity to take control of the situation. That doesn’t mean that she wasn’t having second thoughts. The night before Playboy hit the shelves I got a text from my mom saying that she was really nervous and she didn’t know if this was the best idea anymore. With all that had been exposed of me already, she just wasn’t comfortable with the idea of putting the most private parts of me out there on the shelves of delis and bookstores. I called her back and told her that I completely understood how she felt. I mean, I know I’ve been through some scandalous things, but I’m her daughter. I knew this would be difficult for her. I told her I just had to have faith that this was the right decision and that she needed to trust me. And she did. It was a great conversation and I’m glad it happened. I’ll try to remember it when I have children of my own.

A few days later my mom was traveling and decided to go pick up a copy of the magazine. She put it on the counter and without looking up, the cashier goes “that’ll be $5.99, sir.” My mom laughed and said, “That’s my daughter on the cover. You can’t control kids these days!” The cashier laughed and nodded her head.

I guess it’s true, kids do try to do whatever they want. I did. At the end of the day I’m just thankful that I have people to call on, people to support me through the ups and downs and people who love me exactly how I am. I’m lucky to have that support system in my life. Without it – I would still be lost.

Love-Ash

Mini-me

Mom and Me

A few months ago I did a photo shoot for Playboy. My issue hits stands on Friday and being the “oversharer” that Gawker so affectionately deems me, I thought I’d tell you a little about my decision to pose for the magazine (you know, in case you find yourself in a similar situation down the road…hey, you never know;-).

I’ve spent the last 2 years trying to be known as anything other than a prostitute. You might find this shocking, but it’s kind of hard to live down. When the news originally broke in 2008, someone suggested Playboy to me and I just couldn’t do it. I guess I thought it would make things worse for me. That was until the photos started to surface.

You might remember the newspapers being covered with my nearly naked body for what seemed like eternity. (Advice: don’t send naked pictures of yourself to people you hardly know via cell phone.  Scratch that, don’t send them to anyone. Never ends well!) I was being sold out by nearly everyone I knew. Those stupid little cell phone pictures were everywhere, blown up and plastered on the front page.  The less I was wearing, the more they were worth. Why? Because sex sells. A former friend or acquaintance would sell pictures of me to anyone who’d buy. Then the newspaper would use my scandalous photo to generate more sales. Everyone was buying and selling sex. They were buying and selling me. And all I could do is bang my head against the wall.

It seemed really hypocritical to me. They used a woman’s nudity, her sexuality, to make money for themselves, but didn’t hesitate to call her a whore. And the entire time they benefited from my mistakes. It just doesn’t seem right.

The truth is, I have never been ashamed of my sexuality. It’s who I am, for better or worse. You can pick a name and call me it, that’s fine. I sincerely regret my former profession. That goes without saying. But posing for Playboy gave me the opportunity to regain a sense of control. These aren’t photos I texted to someone. They’re not stupid mistakes I made years ago. These photos are done beautifully. I’m very happy with them and I am happy and honored to be a part of the Playboy family.

Being exposed and having the world know my secret profession eliminated a lot of opportunities for me. I can’t exactly become a third grade teacher – which was something that I always wanted to do if music didn’t work out. While closing some doors it has opened others. I may have never started Stiletto Suicide with Andi and it’s something we both find so fulfilling. I probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to have my own advice column every Sunday in the NY Post. I am trying to make the most of my situation. I’m trying to build an honest life for myself.

I would love to see Stiletto Suicide and my advice column for the NY Post grow into a true career for me. So many people have reached out to me and I feel honored to give them advice, be it on sex or how to know when their children might be going through some trouble. At 25 I have the opportunity to tell young women what I’ve gone through and encourage them to make healthy decisions. I want them to learn from my mistakes. What I say will have an effect on their lives and I understand how important that is. While I take what I say seriously – I’m having so much fun in the process and I love writing it.

Yes, the scandal catapulted me in front of the world – but it’s my brain and what I have to say that will allow me to succeed and not let my mistakes define me.

To those of you with opens minds, I hope you enjoy the magazine.  To those of you with issues, well, all I can say is that what’s right for some isn’t always right for all.  We’re all made differently.  It keeps things interesting.

The May issue of Playboy magazine hits newsstands on Friday, April 16.  Pick up a copy or check out additional photos online at www.playboy.com/dupre

Playboy May Issue 2010

Happy Thursday!

I have to take this opportunity to talk about what happened the other day on my twitter account. I was at a Playboy Golf event with a bunch of the girls and we all thought it would be funny to start #overheard @ Playboy golf. Basically we were just posting things that we heard out of context, some sexual, some probably not sexual but sounded like it. We thought it was funny! It was a joke! Apparently not everyone saw it that way and I had a bunch of people lashing out at me via twitter.

If you knew me, you’d know that I am the first person to laugh at myself. I am very silly and despite what I’ve gone through, I’m pretty damn funny. I’m also a 24 year old single woman who likes to have fun with her girlfriends. Girls, even “normal” ones not affiliated with Playboy or scandal, joke about sex. You should hear half the stuff that comes out of Andi’s mouth!

To be honest, I’m just tired of explaining myself. I’ve made some mistakes in my life and you can believe I’ve paid for them. But that is behind me now. I’m moving forward and am committed to just being myself. I’m going to laugh and make inappropriate jokes on occasion. Because that’s me. If you don’t like me, by all means, don’t follow me on twitter. I’m ok with that. I’m ok with being me.

Big thanks to everyone who tweeted in my defense. I appreciate it more than you know.

I’ve attached a photo from Andi’s bachelorette party last year. Now Perez won’t have to draw penises on my face anymore!

Are those penis glasses or are you just happy to see me??